In the company of friends, writers can discuss their books, economists the state of the economy, lawyers their latest cases, and businessmen their latest acquisitions, but mathematicians cannot discuss their mathematics at all. And the more profound their work, the less understandable it is.
Whenever a bitter foe attack thee Sheathe thy sword, they wrath restrain; Or else will magistrates and lawyers Divide thy wealth, thy purse retain.
Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.
The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law.
Lawyer, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
The Devil's Dictionary.
FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homocide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain ..., [but] is for the advantage of the lawyers
The Constitution of the United States is not a mere lawyers' document; it is a vehicle of life, and its spirit is always the spirit of the age.
A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends giving $5 worth for $500.
A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself.
It is not what a lawyer tells me I may do; but what humanity, reason, and justice tell me I ought to do.
And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan'.
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them.
Address before Chamber of Commerce, May 13, 1879.
A great many college graduates come here thinking of lawyers as social engineers arguing the great Constitutional issues.
The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape.
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
We all know here that the law is the most powerful of schools for the imagination. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
You're an attorney. It's your duty to lie, conceal and distort everything, and slander everybody.
My decision to become a lawyer was irrevocably sealed when I realized my father hated the legal profession.
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place.
The world has its fling at lawyers sometimes, but its very denial is an admission. It feels, what I believe to be the truth, that of all secular professions this has the highest standards.
Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.
Litigation is a form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariate to that of lawyers.
The wars of the future will be fought by computer technicians and by lawyers and high-altitude specialists, and that may mean war will be increasingly abstract, hard to think about and hard to control.
Were we to act but in cases where no contrary opinion of a lawyer can be had, we should never act.
A lawyer's relationship to justice and wisdom is on a par with a piano tuner's relationship to a concert. He neither composes the music, nor interprets it-he merely keeps the machinery running.
I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters.
It is unfair to believe everything we hear about lawyers. Some of it might not be true.
A lawyer's time and advice are his stock in trade.
Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.
The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every other calling, is diligence. Leave nothing for to-morrow which can be done to-day.
If a person is not talented enough to be a novelist, not smart enough to be a lawyer, and his hands are too shaky to perform operations, he becomes a journalist.
It is unfortunate to consider all lawyers as natural Satanists many are just dumb.
Lawyer: One who protects us from robbers by taking away the temptation.
Men are men before they are lawyers, or physicians, or merchants, or manufacturers; and if you make them capable and sensible men, they will make themselves capable and sensible lawyers or physicians.
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do; I hire him to tell me how to do what I want to do.
Look at the Justice Department, it's full of Jews...The lawyers in government are damn Jews.
Most people aren't appreciated enough, and the bravest things we do in our lives are usually known only to ourselves. No one throws ticker tape on the man who chose to be faithful to his wife, on the lawyer who didn't take the drug money.
Law students are trained in the case method, and to the lawyer everything in life looks like a case.
I never saw a lawyer yet who would admit he was making money.
While law is supposed to be a device to serve society, a civilized way of helping the wheels go round without too much friction, it is pretty hard to find a group less concerned with serving society and more concerned with serving themselves than the lawyers.
"Goodbye to Law Reviews," 23 Virginia Law Review 38-45 (November 1936).
In tribal times, there were the medicine men. In the Middle Ages, there were the priests. Today, there are the lawyers. For every age, a group of bright boys, learned in their trades and jealous of their learning, who blend technical competence with plain and fancy hocus-pocus to make themselves masters of their fellow men. For every age, a pseudo-intellectual autocracy, guarding the tricks of the trade from the uninitiated, and running, after its own pattern, the civilization of its day.
I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.
A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer might steal the whole railroad.
Attempting to persuade his son to become a lawyer.
The bar does not claim to be the communion of saints. It only claims to be a noble organization of fallible men, in a fallible society. It concedes that all lawyers sometimes blunder in a professional service; that many sometimes sin against professional duty; that some are incompetent and some are vicious. But it asserts its own dignity and integrity, by a greater contempt than the world has for its dunces, by a severer reprobation of its knaves.
Address at Wisconsin Law School (1873)
The average lawyer is essentially a mechanic who works with a pen instead of a ball peen hammer.
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind; the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.
A lawyer without history or literature is a mechanic, a mere working mason; if he possesses some knowledge of these, he may venture to call himself an architect.
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
King Henry VI Part 2.
War is the statesman's game, the priest's delight, the lawyer's jest, the hired assassin's trade.
Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.
The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency.
If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?
They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass letter, Keokuk Saturday Post, Nov. 1, 1856
Lawyers are like other people--fools on the average; but it is easier for an ass to succeed in that trade than any other.
quoted in Sam Clemens of Hannibal, Dixon Wecter
I believe you keep a lawyer. I have always kept a lawyer, too, though I have never made anything out of him. It is a service to an author to have a lawyer. There is something so disagreeable in having a personal contact with a publisher. So it is better to work through a lawyer--and lose your case.
Mark Twains Speeches, "Author's Club"
Heaven knows insanity was disreputable enough, long ago; but now that the lawyers have got to cutting every gallows rope and picking every prison lock with it, it is become a sneaking villainy that ought to hang and keep on hanging its sudden possessors until evil-doers should conclude that the safest plan was to never claim to have it until they came by it legitimately. The very calibre of the people the lawyers most frequently try to save by the insanity subterfuge ought to laugh the plea out of the courts, one would think.
"Unburlesquable Things," The Galaxy Magazine, July 1870
Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Woe unto you also, ye lawyers! for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne.
The Bible, Luke 11. 46.
A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.
Fools and obstinate men make rich lawyers.
He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.
If you don’t get a lawyer who knows law then get the one who knows the Judge!
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands.
Only lawyers and painters can turn white to black.