If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
When his first-born was put into his arms, he could see that the boy had inherited his own eyes, as they once were--large, brilliant and black.
Except that right side is up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby. There are 152 distinctly different ways--and all are right! At least all will do.
I have never understood the fear of some parents about babies getting mixed up in the hospital. What difference does it make as long as you get a good one?
Having a baby is like taking your lower lips and forcing them over your head.
My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.
Babies are unreasonable; they expect far too much of existence. Each new generation that comes takes one look at the world, thinks wildly, "Is this all they've done to it?" and bursts into tears.
The Crow's Nest (1921)
Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.
Everyone knows that by far the happiest and universally enjoyable age of man is the first. What is there about babies which makes us hug and kiss and fondle them, so that even an enemy would give them help at that age?
Christmas in Bethlehem. The ancient dream: a cold clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love.
Pilgrimage to Bethlehem. Published in The New York Times on December 23, 1984.
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
Definition of a baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Quoted in Reith Lecture (1976)
Babies are necessary to grownups. A new baby is like the beginning of all things--wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.
Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom.
I don't dislike babies, though I think very young ones rather disgusting.
This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Well, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger.
House, Maternity. By Dr. Gregory House.