One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
The idea is to fall and miss the ground.
A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1979)
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Daddy warned me about men and alcohol. But he never warned me about women and cocaine.
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
STREETS FULL OF WATER. PLEASE ADVISE.
US humorist on arriving in Venice
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.
Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
How It Happened
My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.
All work and no play makes jack. With enough jack, Jack needn’t be a dull boy.
We have the power to do any damn fool thing we want to do, and we seem to do it about every ten minutes.
I improve on misquotation.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, “Toys not included.”
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he may be.
When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.
The Last Lecture
Because people have no thoughts to deal in, they deal cards, and try and win one another’s money. Idiots!
Parerga and Paralipomena (1851)
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
King Henry VI Part 2.
You know it's funny, when it rains it pours. They got money for wars, but can't feed the poor.
No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace, is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a hard Christmas.
If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
The solution of the problem of life is seen in the vanishing of the problem
I'm accomplished. I'm funny. Can I have whatever I want?
House, Resignation. By Dr. Gregory House.
As for now I'm skipper, and anybody who don't like it can get out and swim.
From movie Lifeboat
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee - that will do them in.
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.