Denis Leary Quotes
There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks... to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't [care] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you — your kid is not autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both.
Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid (2008)
I was a life-long Democrat, but now at my age, I've come to realize that the Democrats suck, and the Republicans suck, and basically the entire system sucks. But you have to go within the system to find what you want.
On Glenn Beck show, July 4, 2007
I would never do crack. I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?
No Cure for Cancer
There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
No Cure for Cancer
Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup! That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup- that's it!
Lock 'n Load
I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.
Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish.
Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer. I don't think like those guys who say, "I'm hot again, so I've got to get back into a big movie."
The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.
We live in a country where Rosa Parks had the courage and conviction to sit down long enough to start a revolution that lead to Al Sharpton screaming racism every time Barry Bonds gets indicted for taking performance enhancing drugs in order to break a home run record set by a black man who didn't even have the benefit of Advil.